Being a mom is hard work. It’s the best work, I have been in a little mommy bubble for the past month, not wanting for anyone or anything to disrupt this newness of my little guy and the whole newborn phase. Yes, sleep deprivation was expected but I have found that the real exhaustion comes from my straight up worry for everything this child does, the wonder if I am doing everything right, am I a good mother? Every cough, wheeze, gurgle, I am turning to google way too many times a day to see what the possible ailment could be. “Newborn gurgling sound in throat”, “why is my newborn’s skin peeling?”, “newborn making strange noises”. (These are real google searches from yours truly). I have yet to find solid answers. Most conclude I need to contact my pediatrician immediately, or just go straight to the E.R. (Those people answering questions on google are real doomsdayers, sheesh!) No help there. I am assuming this overprotective/overlycautiousness will diminish as time passes. Or I sure hope it will. It’s driving me insane, I can’t stop.
I am also in the middle of some sort of inner struggle, doing my darnedest to look like a mom, but not TOTALLY like a mom. This is silly, I know. But it’s bugging me! I am convinced that when I am pushing a stroller through the outdoor shopping center, people assume I am the next to appear on mtv’s teen mom. My friend recently told me I look like the nanny, not a parent. I’m okay with that. To an extent. Part of this image may come from the backpack I wear as a diaper bag. Just an observation. But this new complex I have with myself has really played with my psyche. I spent way too much time the other day in Urban Outfitters debating whether or not to buy a homies t-shirt and blue nail polish. I mean, before this was a total no brainier. Buy both because they’re awesome. But now I’m a mom! Do moms wear that stuff?! Not really. I went with the blue nail polish. Skipped out on the tee. (Now regretting not buying the tee).
I guess what I’m getting at is this whole other side of the mom transformation. The baby stuff; nursing, holding, loving, caring, nurturing… This has all come pretty natural. I feel like this little man has been in my life forever. But there are other (less important) things that are putting my little self into a stupor.
My life has been flipped upside down and sideways, and it is absolutely wonderful. I have really loved every moment. He is the best thing to ever happen to me. But someone answer me: why do I feel the need to change EVERYTHING about myself to play the part as parent?! (Including nail color). It’s madness, really. The little man and I wish you a happy Saturday! Enjoy.